i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
