He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
