Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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