After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
