it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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