Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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