The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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