Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
i dont even know how to be here
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
