big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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