I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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