i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
