it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
