Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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