I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
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