Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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