i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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