I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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