so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
He felt like a one man threesome
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
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I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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