I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
