Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
