Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
You're like the curious george of whores
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
