My hair reeks of homosexuality.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
