yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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