I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
