So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You ruined the universe
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
