Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
