OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
