so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Randomize
