Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
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