Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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