apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Randomize
