Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
