and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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