I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
