We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
