wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
