I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
