Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
