I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
