he wants to bone in the snuggie
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
