if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
My life is pants optional.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
