i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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