Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
