Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize