if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
It's official drugs can't kill me
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
