The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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