her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
