I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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