thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
