Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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