i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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