Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I take back everything I said about communal showers
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
