I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
