Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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