Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
