pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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