do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
