Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
