People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
