Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
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