If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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