Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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