I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
