I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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