In the future we'll all be gay
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
