i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
