So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
